KnowYourPro

2009 was a year of ups and downs for me.

In January, my grandmother passed away. She was my last living grandparent, and the only one I knew.

In February, KnowYourPro was born. Conceptually anyway. ;)

In March, my partner of 7.5 years asked me to leave the home we had shared for 6. A home that I had found for 'us'. That 'us' was now dead.

In May, my mother had some health problems that required surgery. Because I was the only offspring around at the time, I was by her side for that. Nothing is scarier than watching your parent get prepped for surgery. Well, I suppose watching your CHILD is much scarier. In any event, it was around this time that I decided to start my medication. Yay!

In June, I had some serious work-related issues that continued for the better part of the rest of the year. 

In July, I met someone who made my heart sing. I felt things I hadn't ever felt before, and it was wonderful.

In August, my father had a heart attack and emergency surgery. I also had my heart broken. 

In October, KnowYourPro.org launched. The creation was and is a malleable piece of clay, and we love it. 

In December, I turned 31 and tried to end 2009 on a positive note. I think I succeeded!

I am sure I missed a few things. Moves, disappointments, familial issues. I think you get the gist though. Some years suck so bad you just want to stick your head in the sand and not peek out until the storm has passed. Since we don't have that option, we have to keep moving, we have to keep changing.

When we hit a bump in the road, we have to react in a positive way. The 'old' me would have checked herself into an institution after all this! But armed with my happy pills and a new outlook on life, I was able to get past each roadblock with ease. Well, maybe not ease... 

I'll give you a good example. When my father had his heart attack, I ended up taking an enormous amount of stress on. I was the one who made him get up and go to the hospital. I sat with him in the room waiting for the ambulance to take him to the hospital for surgery. I rode with him, scared out of my mind that he was going to die. I called the relatives that needed to know what was happening. I did everything I could have done, and instead of being ok with that, I questioned it. "What if _____?". I remember sitting in the waiting room at the hospital while he was having his procedure done. I discovered that we could HEAR what was going on in the operating room, so being the moron that I am, I would put my ear up to the door every ten minutes or so. Listening for 'FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, WE'RE LOSING HIM!', and all I heard was soft music and 'Did I tell you about the time Ed and I went out to boohooojooo dood oddoodo'. 

A few days later, he was out of the hospital. It would take weeks for me to get over it though. I had to feel what I was feeling and recognize it, then let it pass. But doing this, being 'healthy', is something to get used to. The 'what-if' catastrophic thinking is a tough habit to break. But if we don't change, if we don't wrap our heads around what we feel and instead dwell on it and let it rule over us, we are doomed to a very miserable life.

While it's still hard or me to fully grasp some of the events of last year, I can't bother myself with them any more. Doing so would take away from what I am experiencing now. It would keep me from feeling great, and would most likely transport me form this place where I am happy, confident and eager to live back to a place where I was scared, worried and not too happy. No thanks!

Change is great, and if you want to make positive changes in your life, you can! One step at a time, live in the present. Try not to dwell on the past or worry about the future. Good things can be habits too!


The Anti-Anxiety Coach!